Unapologetically Happy
First off, Happy Friday and Hello September! The summer has officially come and gone. The air is getting cooler, and fall approaches. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for all of the cliché fall favorites, and yes that includes pumpkin coffee!
2017 has been a year worth commending so far. Certainly there have been some trials along the way (like any other year full of growth and life lessons), but with those trials came a silver-lining, identifying what brings me happiness and how to maintain that happiness. As a wife and mother, I (like several other women) assume the responsibilities and role that satisfies my household and family; for my friends, I try to be as empathetic and supportive, and also to my extended family. To my clients, I also offer as much moral support and often times adopt the role as an empath towards them. We wear many hats in life, which goes without saying. Which can leave us burnt out; feeling unappreciated, isolated, unsettled, and unhappy; if we’re not careful to check ourselves and identify what is causing these feelings, it can manifest into us looking at a reflection we no longer can recognize.
There are moments when we completely enthrall ourselves into everything else other than our own happiness. For me, my epiphany about my state of happiness happened when I was face down in a breast MRI machine, listening to the knocking and sounds of magnets creating an image for the radiologist to see…praying they did not find breast cancer. My mind started racing. I asked myself so many questions during that 45 minute MRI. Was I proud of what I have done in my life so far? Would my daughter appreciate what I have done for her? Am I where I want to be in life—how much more do I want to accomplish? I want to travel still, I want to touch lives, and I still have so much more in me to give. It was one of the most honest moments I have had in a long time, and still the common denominator was my happiness.
I never would have admitted that I defined my happiness in accomplishments and accolades, but having been a member of the military where I received certificates of achievement and medals on a yearly basis, I’d be lying to say I didn’t. The realization that I associated those awards with happiness was disappointing to me. That isn’t why I’m on this earth. Yet the expectation was there to achieve those same awards years later, and the truth of the matter was that, that was unrealistic and would require for me to depend on someone else to recognize my efforts. Not only was that not healthy for my stress level, it took away from the real matter at hand; and that was that I had to appreciate myself (flaws and all) and where I am in life because the end hasn’t come yet, it’s just beginning.
When we take inventory over what’s the root or cause of this unhappiness, do not be surprised to see something we placed there ourselves. Yes we all come from various backgrounds and experiences in life, however making the broad stroke approach to not wait another single minute hour or day to change that outlook is completely up to us. So in an attempt to follow my own advice, after my breast MRI, I went home and created a new game plan for myself. “Operation Happiness”!
Meet and exceed my goals
Build a brand for myself by helping others
Use my knowledge (and expand my knowledge) to propel ideas to fuel my passions
Be healthy both mentally and physically
Be thankful, and become a better servant to God
Be a supportive and respectful wife
Be an active, mindful, strong, and conscious mother
Rise above my faults and past
These eight tasks on my list have been all but easy, but it was time to stop wishing and start doing! Happiness had officially become my priority, and it began to reveal itself to me unapologetically. The decision had been made. The fear of not amounting to my own expectations of myself, and lack of recognition was nothing for me to dwell on any longer. My ability to be there for others could not overshadow taking care of myself. The investments made had to be reciprocated. The days of being a doormat had to seize. Making excuses was also a no-no. If I don’t feel like doing something, simply because I cannot or if it’s not a wise decision, I back off and stop pushing—what’s for me will reveal itself and be far greater than my own expectations if I utilize my patience. I had to cut off relationships (or be cut off--whichever comes first shouldn't matter. If it's meant to be it will be. Don't be an egomaniac about it!) with people who are not contributing to your life, despite how difficult it is to do so (you’re going to lose some people along the way based on your inability to go back to your old ways. So don’t be surprised who falls off!). And finally, carve time and spaces to give yourself grace during these changes, and invest in a hobby or activity that brings you joy (getting your nails done doesn’t count).
Recently I have stopped pursuing my notion of happiness and began creating it for myself. Checking my ego at the door, trying new and creative things, making no assumptions about what life is supposed to give me, but rather reversing that idea, and seeing what I can contribute to life! So this Labor Day weekend, be safe, and be good to yourselves. Offer no regrets or explanations when it comes to your individual happiness, and push yourselves to make it your priority to create it.
